Thoughts

One month.
I have not posted for one month.
One month.
Things have changed dramatically in one month.

Two months.
I've changed the person I am in two months.
Two months.
I'll be leaving in two months.

This is so weird. Four months ago I was looking back at how I use to be and realizing how much I've changed. Now I'm looking back to for months ago and see that I've changed from even then. I don't know if I have changed the way I act, or if anyone else has noticed. Mostly, the change has been in my thinking; realizing things, analyzing things, seeing things from a different point of view. It's all about point of view. "The worm would rather dig in the dirt than go fishing." I heard that off one of my dad's motivational tapes. The thing is, it's true. Point of view can change everything.

So much is happening. Decisions that impact everything. Those "there's no going back" things. Sure you can go back, but it will never be how you left it. A sort of bitter-sweet parting. Friends parting ways. Making new friends. Seeing some friends rise to great heights while other friends crumble to destruction; and there's nothing you can do but watch because you've already passed out of their lives.

Slowly departing. I've already started to fall out of the loop. There's not many of my friends that I talk to anymore. I don't really keep in touch. I haven't written or read any blogs in a month. I've been mostly focused on college. I'm going to BYU. Going from this tiny town to big Provo. I already know I'll get lost a lot. That's inevitable.

I've lived here my entire life. I'll miss a lot of things about this place.
White roses beneath my window.
The Blue Mountain out the front window.
Playing in mud holes.
Playing Pirates and having our treasure map eaten by termites.
Playing Cops and Robbers on our bikes.
The Swimming Pool (swimming and working).
The Patio.
The everyone-knows-everyone feel.
Summer days going to Recapture and eating ice cream.
Playing and working in the garden.
Sleeping out on the trampoline.
Star gazing with my mother.
Rappelling and hanging out with my brothers.
Building things with my dad.
My friends.

That's just a part of what I'll miss about this place. This is already a pretty long blog. Mostly ramblings and random things. What I'll probably miss the most is that feeling of being connected; like I belong. I know I'll eventually belong at BYU, hopefully, but it won't be the same. When our AP Lang. Arts class had that little blogging system as an assignment, or in the college Creative Writing class when we would submit our papers online and the whole class would read them; that's the kind of connection I mean. Maybe it's getting feedback on things. Maybe it's sharing things with those I trust. I don't know, but I'll miss it.