Be careful what you watch, read, participate in, or observe. It will stick with you. Even if you don't ever consciously think about it, it will be stored in your subconscious, no matter from how far back.
Today in math class we were given time to just work on our assignments and study for an upcoming test. Of course, while we were doing our assignments, we were talking. I sit next to Loni (Alana), so we were just going at it. But we were still working on our assignments.
I came to a problem that I had forgotten how to do. Luckily, I take notes of how to do problems so I can just refer back to it when things like that happen. I was sort of narrating to Loni about this as I reached for my note book. I ended up saying, "I'll just pull out my handy-dandy notebook!"
We both paused for a moment. I turned to Loni and said it was familiar and asked her where that came from. She couldn't think of it either, but she recognized it as well. We sat there for about ten minutes trying to think of where in the world that had come from. Finally, I got it.
I slowly turned to Loni, my hand covering my face from the rest of the class, and whispered, "Is that from Blues Clues?" We sat frozen as we realized that that's exactly where it had come from. "It is!" She replied, and we both busted up laughing. How in the world had we gotten that? We couldn't stop laughing for the rest of the class.
I made two points to Loni after we had discovered where that random quote had come from. 1. It was really pathetic that I had quoted Blues Clues. 2. It was even more pathetic that we both knew what it was from.
One thing that makes this even better was that I was relating this story to David, before I could tell him where the quote had come from, he asked, "But isn't that from Blues Clues?"
I had some really good laughs today. But I also realized that, even if you can't remember the source, and whether it's good or bad, things will stick with you.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
When it's good to be an Outcast
We were in the foyer. He was sitting on the large carpeted steps along with the other three girls. I was standing near him. I felt just a little awkward. We were from two different towns and this was his group of friends. I only knew him and one the the girls. I felt like an intruder to the others.
The bell rang, letting school out and the halls began to fill with students. I didn't notice he was looking at me as I watched people join up with friends, my mind wandering.
Suddenly I realized that he had dropped conversation and was focused on me. I turned my attention to him. Curiosity played across his face.
"You can sit down, ya know." He indicated the seat next to him. Nice. I looked at the spot, but made no move to sit down. His expression changed slightly.
"Or are you hinting that you want to leave?"
He's good.
"No. I just need to talk to one of my friends. I'll be back."
"Ok," he seemed hesitant as I walked away. I felt reluctant to leave him, but I was already out of his sight.
I didn't find her. She had already left the school. So I returned to the foyer, knowing he would still be there. I walked through the doors and stopped short. He was still there, but the others from his school had joined him. He was surrounded by about fifteen people I didn't know. I was a stranger here.
As much as I was drawn to him, I couldn't bring myself to walk among them. I felt my expression twist into unwilling surrender. My feet started moving as I slowly backed away. But he had already seen me. His eyes caught mine. Blue on blue. His expression was inquisitive, confused.
I stopped again, hesitating. His eyes were pleading. I forced myself forward, moving even slower than before. He watched me curiously for a moment, then he stood and closed the distance between us.
"What was that about?" He stood close to me. I peered around him at the people he had been sitting with.
"I feel like an outcast," I admitted, looking up at him. He looked over his shoulder at his friends, and thought for a moment.
"Let's go." He looked back down at me as he walked the way I had come. I glanced at his friends one more time, then turned and followed him.
The bell rang, letting school out and the halls began to fill with students. I didn't notice he was looking at me as I watched people join up with friends, my mind wandering.
Suddenly I realized that he had dropped conversation and was focused on me. I turned my attention to him. Curiosity played across his face.
"You can sit down, ya know." He indicated the seat next to him. Nice. I looked at the spot, but made no move to sit down. His expression changed slightly.
"Or are you hinting that you want to leave?"
He's good.
"No. I just need to talk to one of my friends. I'll be back."
"Ok," he seemed hesitant as I walked away. I felt reluctant to leave him, but I was already out of his sight.
I didn't find her. She had already left the school. So I returned to the foyer, knowing he would still be there. I walked through the doors and stopped short. He was still there, but the others from his school had joined him. He was surrounded by about fifteen people I didn't know. I was a stranger here.
As much as I was drawn to him, I couldn't bring myself to walk among them. I felt my expression twist into unwilling surrender. My feet started moving as I slowly backed away. But he had already seen me. His eyes caught mine. Blue on blue. His expression was inquisitive, confused.
I stopped again, hesitating. His eyes were pleading. I forced myself forward, moving even slower than before. He watched me curiously for a moment, then he stood and closed the distance between us.
"What was that about?" He stood close to me. I peered around him at the people he had been sitting with.
"I feel like an outcast," I admitted, looking up at him. He looked over his shoulder at his friends, and thought for a moment.
"Let's go." He looked back down at me as he walked the way I had come. I glanced at his friends one more time, then turned and followed him.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Dreams and Thinking
I have just returned from a very long trip. Too long. It was only to Salt Lake, but that was too far this time. We traveled with two babies in the back seat. We sat through an extremely long police academy graduation, then came home. Too much sitting. Not enough sleep. Though I am glad I went.
I mostly listened to my ipod and tried to sleep, though I couldn't quite get to that point. I became just unconscious enough to dream while still being aware of what was going on around me. Dream and think. The dreams I could have done without. The last dream I had before this trip, I was held up in an abandoned house with Beau and Chris. It was us against... I don't know who it was. We were rebelling against someone and they sent their men out to "take care of us." So it was just the three of us with our guns and an advantage of higher ground. I would rather have that as my most recent dream than the dreams I had on this trip.
In thinking, it was mostly about my book. Trying to work out some of the minor details. How exactly do I make some of the characters die? Do I want to add this character or not? Will this character become a serious danger before her betrayal? Does she get some final words with her brother before he dies, or is it just over? Little things like that. I thought about some other things, too. But I tried to stay focused on my book.
Now I'm home, dead tired, about to go to bed. But now I've started thinking about my own character. Trying to figure out some of the minor details. I've started to notice a pattern in my life. An interesting pattern. And I kind of wonder how it developed. I know it's mostly me, but parts of it aren't, and that's what makes it so intriguing. I'm just a character out of a book. And I'm the one writing it.
I mostly listened to my ipod and tried to sleep, though I couldn't quite get to that point. I became just unconscious enough to dream while still being aware of what was going on around me. Dream and think. The dreams I could have done without. The last dream I had before this trip, I was held up in an abandoned house with Beau and Chris. It was us against... I don't know who it was. We were rebelling against someone and they sent their men out to "take care of us." So it was just the three of us with our guns and an advantage of higher ground. I would rather have that as my most recent dream than the dreams I had on this trip.
In thinking, it was mostly about my book. Trying to work out some of the minor details. How exactly do I make some of the characters die? Do I want to add this character or not? Will this character become a serious danger before her betrayal? Does she get some final words with her brother before he dies, or is it just over? Little things like that. I thought about some other things, too. But I tried to stay focused on my book.
Now I'm home, dead tired, about to go to bed. But now I've started thinking about my own character. Trying to figure out some of the minor details. I've started to notice a pattern in my life. An interesting pattern. And I kind of wonder how it developed. I know it's mostly me, but parts of it aren't, and that's what makes it so intriguing. I'm just a character out of a book. And I'm the one writing it.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Friends for Life
Eight months ago he left. Six months he went even further away. And I've missed him more than anything. I get to talk to him a little bit once a week. But it's not the same. We were so close. I wasn't just a tag-a-long to him; I was his friend. We were really good friends. He'd always help me out when I needed it. And he'd always turn to me when he needed someone to talk to. He'd ask my opinions, and he honestly valued them. If I disapproved of anything, he'd take it into account. He'd let me wallow in self-pity, then help me solve my problems. He understood so much of what others didn't.
We sang duets a lot. We never really performed, it was just for fun. (Except one time Mrs. J had us sing a duet for her choir class). We'd sing when we were home alone and bored, or doing chores, or we'd karaoke. Our voices sounded so cool together. I loved the contrast of high and low. Sometimes I would play the piano, like Phantom of the Opera or Lord of the Rings. And we'd sing. That was a blast. He had such a good Phantom voice.
He'd always encourage me in anything I did. And he'd be excited for me when I was excited. His senior year, I went to every single one of his football games, home and away. He loved that. I was always waiting for him outside the locker room. He'd give me a hug and we'd instantly start talking about the game.
Of course, we fought a lot, too. But that only made it better. After we'd have our differences, we'd be even better friends. He liked having me around. He told me once when we were younger that if I ever got kidnapped, he'd risk his life to save me, then beat the heck out of the people who took me. The thing is, he was serious. And he really has saved my life many times. I've actually lost count. It's a wonder I haven't somehow died in the eight months that he's been gone. He truly did care about me, and our friends could see that.
Now Beau's in Mexico. And man do I miss him! I miss all my brothers. They're all gone and now I'm home alone. That's part of life. It sad part, but a part. I'm excited that he is in Mexico at the same time, though. He's having a blast down there. And actually, not his companion, but one of the missionaries he lives with wrote me a letter. And I'm writing him back :) That made Beau happy. I guess he doesn't really have anyone to write to.
But this is my blog for Beau. Even though he'll probably never read it, and if he does it won't be for another year and a half. Here's to all my great brothers! Love you guys!!
We sang duets a lot. We never really performed, it was just for fun. (Except one time Mrs. J had us sing a duet for her choir class). We'd sing when we were home alone and bored, or doing chores, or we'd karaoke. Our voices sounded so cool together. I loved the contrast of high and low. Sometimes I would play the piano, like Phantom of the Opera or Lord of the Rings. And we'd sing. That was a blast. He had such a good Phantom voice.
He'd always encourage me in anything I did. And he'd be excited for me when I was excited. His senior year, I went to every single one of his football games, home and away. He loved that. I was always waiting for him outside the locker room. He'd give me a hug and we'd instantly start talking about the game.
Of course, we fought a lot, too. But that only made it better. After we'd have our differences, we'd be even better friends. He liked having me around. He told me once when we were younger that if I ever got kidnapped, he'd risk his life to save me, then beat the heck out of the people who took me. The thing is, he was serious. And he really has saved my life many times. I've actually lost count. It's a wonder I haven't somehow died in the eight months that he's been gone. He truly did care about me, and our friends could see that.
Now Beau's in Mexico. And man do I miss him! I miss all my brothers. They're all gone and now I'm home alone. That's part of life. It sad part, but a part. I'm excited that he is in Mexico at the same time, though. He's having a blast down there. And actually, not his companion, but one of the missionaries he lives with wrote me a letter. And I'm writing him back :) That made Beau happy. I guess he doesn't really have anyone to write to.
But this is my blog for Beau. Even though he'll probably never read it, and if he does it won't be for another year and a half. Here's to all my great brothers! Love you guys!!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Controlling the Weather
Yesterday throughout the day I came up with three ideas to blog about. But by the time work got over, I had forgotten all of them. So now I'm merely going to ramble. Again.
The snow we got to day was quite unexpected. And even after it did start snowing, I didn't think it would snow this much. We were in the church building when we saw it. So I decided, since we had somewhat warm weather for a while and now it was cold again, we would have a second Christmas. I shared this idea with my friends and we voted on it. It was unanimous. In twelve days, it's Christmas again. 'Tis the season. :)
The strange thing is, I'm not upset about the snow even though I was excited that it was starting to get warm. It's just one of those things. You can't change it. Complaining won't do anything but make it more miserable. As JRR Tolkien stated in Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, "It is not our part to master all the tides of the world... What weather they shall have is not ours to rule."
It is foolish to think that we can control the weather. Just as it is foolish to think that we can control the past. Once it's happened, we can't change it. We can only move on. Elder Neal A. Maxwell pointed out that we must move forward with hope, "not looking back, and refusing to let yesterday hold tomorrow hostage."
Some things we can change. Some we cannot. Instead of being so frustrated with the things we can't change, like the weather and the past, we need to focus on the things we can change, like our future and ourselves if needs be. And not just focus on it, but also act on it. Looking and focusing on a jigsaw puzzle doesn't get it finished; you have to put the pieces into place once you've found them.
That was a little more spiritual than I was planning on getting, but it gave me something to talk about. And don't mind the snow too much. After all, it's bringing us a second Christmas. :)
The snow we got to day was quite unexpected. And even after it did start snowing, I didn't think it would snow this much. We were in the church building when we saw it. So I decided, since we had somewhat warm weather for a while and now it was cold again, we would have a second Christmas. I shared this idea with my friends and we voted on it. It was unanimous. In twelve days, it's Christmas again. 'Tis the season. :)
The strange thing is, I'm not upset about the snow even though I was excited that it was starting to get warm. It's just one of those things. You can't change it. Complaining won't do anything but make it more miserable. As JRR Tolkien stated in Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, "It is not our part to master all the tides of the world... What weather they shall have is not ours to rule."
It is foolish to think that we can control the weather. Just as it is foolish to think that we can control the past. Once it's happened, we can't change it. We can only move on. Elder Neal A. Maxwell pointed out that we must move forward with hope, "not looking back, and refusing to let yesterday hold tomorrow hostage."
Some things we can change. Some we cannot. Instead of being so frustrated with the things we can't change, like the weather and the past, we need to focus on the things we can change, like our future and ourselves if needs be. And not just focus on it, but also act on it. Looking and focusing on a jigsaw puzzle doesn't get it finished; you have to put the pieces into place once you've found them.
That was a little more spiritual than I was planning on getting, but it gave me something to talk about. And don't mind the snow too much. After all, it's bringing us a second Christmas. :)
Monday, February 2, 2009
Blonde Moment
I have so many of these that happen to me on a daily basis. But today one occurred that I think is blog worthy. It happened during band. I play the alto sax, and on occasion I'll just put my hand down the bell of the instrument. Today, I was sidetrack as I was doing this and I went to far. Now, don't ask me how it happened. It was one of those things that only I could pull off. Anyway, I got my hand stuck. I really truly could not get my hand out of my saxophone.
It actually kind of hurt. Ryan--French Horn player-- didn't even try to help me. He just laughed! Well, my hand wasn't coming out, so finally I put my sax on the floor, put my foot on the sax and jerked my hand out. It was kind of ridiculous really. And now I have a bruise on my knuckle. Jolene and David--Sax players-- laughed really hard too. Then they tried to reenact it. But, no matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their hands stuck. It's just me. Something only I can pull off. Yeah, total blonde.
It actually kind of hurt. Ryan--French Horn player-- didn't even try to help me. He just laughed! Well, my hand wasn't coming out, so finally I put my sax on the floor, put my foot on the sax and jerked my hand out. It was kind of ridiculous really. And now I have a bruise on my knuckle. Jolene and David--Sax players-- laughed really hard too. Then they tried to reenact it. But, no matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their hands stuck. It's just me. Something only I can pull off. Yeah, total blonde.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Wish I Could Say Something Profound
Senior year. Why is this called the best year of your high school career? I don't get it. Everything ends. Tennis ends. Cross Country ends. Drama. Band. Dancing. Even some or the best friendships end. I guess people love their senior year so much because it means they can finally get out, leave Blanding and forget everything that made them unhappy here.
I just got back from State Drill; my last drill trip ever. And really, I should be in bed, since it's past four o' clock in the morning. Drill. Just one more ended thing.
We received roses from our coaches when we got to our hotel rooms. One of the girls in my room stuck the roses in the fridge overnight. Normally, this would preserve the flowers. But, when we took them out and they thawed, it killed them. Ironic really. In the process of trying to make something last longer, we drastically shortened it, bringing it's end.
There are five completely different songs running through my mind right now. Yet all of them seem to reflect my mood. Am I happy? Sad? I don't know. By this time of night (or rather morning) I'm merely contemplative. Which can sometimes be a bad thing. I oftentimes go too deep in my thinking and it can have negative effects.
Trying to understand things can be rather frustrating. Unlike in schoolwork, life has no set answers. When you don't know the answer, how can you possibly try to understand it? Even if you have found an answer, that doesn't ensure understanding.
Our theme for State Drill this year was centered around Kung Fu Panda. On that trip was the first time I watched it. The crazy old turtle (my favorite character) said something that stuck in my mind. "You have to let go of the illusion of control... You can plant a peach seed. But whether you want it to be an apple tree or a pear tree, it's going to grow up to be a peach tree." That wasn't the exact quote, but it was something like that.
Now I wish I had something profound to say to sum all this up. That would be cool. But I don't. Simply that you cannot understand or control everything, and many good things must end. It sucks, and I still have a hard time dealing with that, but it's true. Things happen. You have to let go of the illusion of control...
I just got back from State Drill; my last drill trip ever. And really, I should be in bed, since it's past four o' clock in the morning. Drill. Just one more ended thing.
We received roses from our coaches when we got to our hotel rooms. One of the girls in my room stuck the roses in the fridge overnight. Normally, this would preserve the flowers. But, when we took them out and they thawed, it killed them. Ironic really. In the process of trying to make something last longer, we drastically shortened it, bringing it's end.
There are five completely different songs running through my mind right now. Yet all of them seem to reflect my mood. Am I happy? Sad? I don't know. By this time of night (or rather morning) I'm merely contemplative. Which can sometimes be a bad thing. I oftentimes go too deep in my thinking and it can have negative effects.
Trying to understand things can be rather frustrating. Unlike in schoolwork, life has no set answers. When you don't know the answer, how can you possibly try to understand it? Even if you have found an answer, that doesn't ensure understanding.
Our theme for State Drill this year was centered around Kung Fu Panda. On that trip was the first time I watched it. The crazy old turtle (my favorite character) said something that stuck in my mind. "You have to let go of the illusion of control... You can plant a peach seed. But whether you want it to be an apple tree or a pear tree, it's going to grow up to be a peach tree." That wasn't the exact quote, but it was something like that.
Now I wish I had something profound to say to sum all this up. That would be cool. But I don't. Simply that you cannot understand or control everything, and many good things must end. It sucks, and I still have a hard time dealing with that, but it's true. Things happen. You have to let go of the illusion of control...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)