Sick. I have a headache that has not gone away since Sunday. That's.... four.... five days with a headache? Can't breathe. Burning throat and chest. Always, always tired. So tired.....
I've mostly slept. And I don't like it. As tired as I am, I hate sleeping that much. I've tried doing homework, but I can't focus on it long enough to really get anywhere on it. I've worked a lot on my book. My book. I'm writing a book. Did you know? Even if no one else will ever like it, I've enjoyed writing it.
With my time I've also discovered how to get back to our old Language Arts blog page. I loved that. I reread a lot of the old posts. They were actually really cool. I'd forgotten a lot about that. The way we interacted with each other. How we would share our emotions and thoughts, sometimes outright, sometimes cloaked. And it was just our class.
And it was different. If we were still doing it, I would have so much to write about; so many things to share. Things that I can't put on here. I don't know why. It was just different. Just a memory. A memory to fall back on.
Sometimes you forget. Forget how connected you were. Forget just how many people are really there for you when you feel alone. Forget that even though you try to hide it, your friends know what's going on and want to help you. Forget how you helped someone without knowing how much it meant to them. Forget that your friends need you just as much as you need them. Sometimes you forget how much people care. But when you look back on a memory, and it becomes so vivid that you know the exact emotions and thoughts you had at that time, you remember. Just because things change doesn't mean you have to forget. Because even when things change, some things linger. Special things. Things no one can ever take away from you. Just a memory.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Are You Kidding Me?!
WHAT?!?!
He didn't!!
You've got to be kidding me!!!!
HE DID!!!
What is he doing?!?!
Gah!!!
I can't not believe he did that!! I am a really big fan of 24. In one of the earlier seasons Tony Almeida, one of the coolest guys on the show though not the main character, died. But he really didn't. He returned this season, only instead of working with the government (he use to work at CTU) he was fighting against it. That was kind of a shock. But then we found out that he was just undercover. He was doing a covert operation that the government didn't know about. That made sense. Jack Bauer ( the main guy) help him out once he discovered this.
They made an awesome team. They accomplished a lot. It was up to Tony to take out Starkwood because he was the only one that could get inside. After he had destroyed the bio weapons, he was taken into custody (he had done some pretty bad stuff before he found Bill Buchanan and Cleo O'Brian and started doing covert).
One of the bad guys got away with a canister of the bio weapon. Agent Larry Moss from FBI and Tony followed him. They got in a gun fight and Larry was hit multiple times, though it didn't quite kill him. Tony leaned over him to help. The bad guy was coming up behind Tony and Larry tried to warn him. Tony merely turned to the guy and held up his hand. The guy lowered his weapon and just watched Tony.
By this point I was wondering what was going on. I thought that maybe Tony could get this guy to hand over the canister and not fight against the government (highly unlikely in this series, though I've learned to expect the unexpected). Then suddenly, Tony killed Agent Moss!!! Now that really was unexpected. Tony is one of the coolest guys I know on this show, and it turns out he really is a bad guy now. He was working with the guy that swipe the canister. What the heck?!?!
This is one of those shows that that keeps you on the edge of your seat, shorts out your brain, and twists your emotions. It's insane!! And I love it! But I'm so mad about Tony!! And Jack is going to be really mad at Tony, too. Oh boy, that's going to be one heck of a fight.....
He didn't!!
You've got to be kidding me!!!!
HE DID!!!
What is he doing?!?!
Gah!!!
I can't not believe he did that!! I am a really big fan of 24. In one of the earlier seasons Tony Almeida, one of the coolest guys on the show though not the main character, died. But he really didn't. He returned this season, only instead of working with the government (he use to work at CTU) he was fighting against it. That was kind of a shock. But then we found out that he was just undercover. He was doing a covert operation that the government didn't know about. That made sense. Jack Bauer ( the main guy) help him out once he discovered this.
They made an awesome team. They accomplished a lot. It was up to Tony to take out Starkwood because he was the only one that could get inside. After he had destroyed the bio weapons, he was taken into custody (he had done some pretty bad stuff before he found Bill Buchanan and Cleo O'Brian and started doing covert).
One of the bad guys got away with a canister of the bio weapon. Agent Larry Moss from FBI and Tony followed him. They got in a gun fight and Larry was hit multiple times, though it didn't quite kill him. Tony leaned over him to help. The bad guy was coming up behind Tony and Larry tried to warn him. Tony merely turned to the guy and held up his hand. The guy lowered his weapon and just watched Tony.
By this point I was wondering what was going on. I thought that maybe Tony could get this guy to hand over the canister and not fight against the government (highly unlikely in this series, though I've learned to expect the unexpected). Then suddenly, Tony killed Agent Moss!!! Now that really was unexpected. Tony is one of the coolest guys I know on this show, and it turns out he really is a bad guy now. He was working with the guy that swipe the canister. What the heck?!?!
This is one of those shows that that keeps you on the edge of your seat, shorts out your brain, and twists your emotions. It's insane!! And I love it! But I'm so mad about Tony!! And Jack is going to be really mad at Tony, too. Oh boy, that's going to be one heck of a fight.....
Monday, April 13, 2009
Random Trains of Thought
Click-click
My mother clicking a pen while doing taxes with my dad.
Tick-tick. Tick-tick
The clock telling me it's time to go to bed.
Hmm-mm
The fridge buzzing out a night lullaby.
Hff-fff
The heater in the bathroom letting out a breath of warmth.
The glow of the computer screen lights the room. My dog's weight presses against my leg, her deep breathing signaling that she's asleep. My mother is now sleeping on the couch, curled up in a green tractor blanket. My father is on the computer, probably playing spider solitaire, free cell, or looking up news articles. I am on his laptop.
News articles....
Uh-oh. I need to get those done for my Government class. Thanks for reminding me, Davio.
Davio....
He got the nickname from a play. Eight-grade. That was a good year. Sort of. Bad spots freshman year, especially the end. Sophomore year sucked. It was hard and awkward. Junior year.... Senior year.... I miss Beau. I'm the only one left. And almost not.
Almost not....
I've signed a contract to live at the Colony in Provo. I can move in June 15. Two months and two days.
Two days....
I'll be performing my dramatic monologue in two days. Performing. Quite honestly, I'm not sure why I did drama this year. Yeah, I like acting, but it's not my great love. I don't live, breathe, dream, or worship drama like others. I don't know why I did it. It's not the same this year. Part of me wishes I hadn't done it. But state is this weekend and after that I'll be done. For good.
For Good....
"I've heard it said
that people come into our lives for a reason
bringing something we must learn
And we are led to those who help us most to grow
if we let them, and we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But, because I knew you, I have been changed for good."
~For Good lyrics from Wicked~
My mother clicking a pen while doing taxes with my dad.
Tick-tick. Tick-tick
The clock telling me it's time to go to bed.
Hmm-mm
The fridge buzzing out a night lullaby.
Hff-fff
The heater in the bathroom letting out a breath of warmth.
The glow of the computer screen lights the room. My dog's weight presses against my leg, her deep breathing signaling that she's asleep. My mother is now sleeping on the couch, curled up in a green tractor blanket. My father is on the computer, probably playing spider solitaire, free cell, or looking up news articles. I am on his laptop.
News articles....
Uh-oh. I need to get those done for my Government class. Thanks for reminding me, Davio.
Davio....
He got the nickname from a play. Eight-grade. That was a good year. Sort of. Bad spots freshman year, especially the end. Sophomore year sucked. It was hard and awkward. Junior year.... Senior year.... I miss Beau. I'm the only one left. And almost not.
Almost not....
I've signed a contract to live at the Colony in Provo. I can move in June 15. Two months and two days.
Two days....
I'll be performing my dramatic monologue in two days. Performing. Quite honestly, I'm not sure why I did drama this year. Yeah, I like acting, but it's not my great love. I don't live, breathe, dream, or worship drama like others. I don't know why I did it. It's not the same this year. Part of me wishes I hadn't done it. But state is this weekend and after that I'll be done. For good.
For Good....
"I've heard it said
that people come into our lives for a reason
bringing something we must learn
And we are led to those who help us most to grow
if we let them, and we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But, because I knew you, I have been changed for good."
~For Good lyrics from Wicked~
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Thoughts
One month.
I have not posted for one month.
One month.
Things have changed dramatically in one month.
Two months.
I've changed the person I am in two months.
Two months.
I'll be leaving in two months.
This is so weird. Four months ago I was looking back at how I use to be and realizing how much I've changed. Now I'm looking back to for months ago and see that I've changed from even then. I don't know if I have changed the way I act, or if anyone else has noticed. Mostly, the change has been in my thinking; realizing things, analyzing things, seeing things from a different point of view. It's all about point of view. "The worm would rather dig in the dirt than go fishing." I heard that off one of my dad's motivational tapes. The thing is, it's true. Point of view can change everything.
So much is happening. Decisions that impact everything. Those "there's no going back" things. Sure you can go back, but it will never be how you left it. A sort of bitter-sweet parting. Friends parting ways. Making new friends. Seeing some friends rise to great heights while other friends crumble to destruction; and there's nothing you can do but watch because you've already passed out of their lives.
Slowly departing. I've already started to fall out of the loop. There's not many of my friends that I talk to anymore. I don't really keep in touch. I haven't written or read any blogs in a month. I've been mostly focused on college. I'm going to BYU. Going from this tiny town to big Provo. I already know I'll get lost a lot. That's inevitable.
I've lived here my entire life. I'll miss a lot of things about this place.
White roses beneath my window.
The Blue Mountain out the front window.
Playing in mud holes.
Playing Pirates and having our treasure map eaten by termites.
Playing Cops and Robbers on our bikes.
The Swimming Pool (swimming and working).
The Patio.
The everyone-knows-everyone feel.
Summer days going to Recapture and eating ice cream.
Playing and working in the garden.
Sleeping out on the trampoline.
Star gazing with my mother.
Rappelling and hanging out with my brothers.
Building things with my dad.
My friends.
That's just a part of what I'll miss about this place. This is already a pretty long blog. Mostly ramblings and random things. What I'll probably miss the most is that feeling of being connected; like I belong. I know I'll eventually belong at BYU, hopefully, but it won't be the same. When our AP Lang. Arts class had that little blogging system as an assignment, or in the college Creative Writing class when we would submit our papers online and the whole class would read them; that's the kind of connection I mean. Maybe it's getting feedback on things. Maybe it's sharing things with those I trust. I don't know, but I'll miss it.
I have not posted for one month.
One month.
Things have changed dramatically in one month.
Two months.
I've changed the person I am in two months.
Two months.
I'll be leaving in two months.
This is so weird. Four months ago I was looking back at how I use to be and realizing how much I've changed. Now I'm looking back to for months ago and see that I've changed from even then. I don't know if I have changed the way I act, or if anyone else has noticed. Mostly, the change has been in my thinking; realizing things, analyzing things, seeing things from a different point of view. It's all about point of view. "The worm would rather dig in the dirt than go fishing." I heard that off one of my dad's motivational tapes. The thing is, it's true. Point of view can change everything.
So much is happening. Decisions that impact everything. Those "there's no going back" things. Sure you can go back, but it will never be how you left it. A sort of bitter-sweet parting. Friends parting ways. Making new friends. Seeing some friends rise to great heights while other friends crumble to destruction; and there's nothing you can do but watch because you've already passed out of their lives.
Slowly departing. I've already started to fall out of the loop. There's not many of my friends that I talk to anymore. I don't really keep in touch. I haven't written or read any blogs in a month. I've been mostly focused on college. I'm going to BYU. Going from this tiny town to big Provo. I already know I'll get lost a lot. That's inevitable.
I've lived here my entire life. I'll miss a lot of things about this place.
White roses beneath my window.
The Blue Mountain out the front window.
Playing in mud holes.
Playing Pirates and having our treasure map eaten by termites.
Playing Cops and Robbers on our bikes.
The Swimming Pool (swimming and working).
The Patio.
The everyone-knows-everyone feel.
Summer days going to Recapture and eating ice cream.
Playing and working in the garden.
Sleeping out on the trampoline.
Star gazing with my mother.
Rappelling and hanging out with my brothers.
Building things with my dad.
My friends.
That's just a part of what I'll miss about this place. This is already a pretty long blog. Mostly ramblings and random things. What I'll probably miss the most is that feeling of being connected; like I belong. I know I'll eventually belong at BYU, hopefully, but it won't be the same. When our AP Lang. Arts class had that little blogging system as an assignment, or in the college Creative Writing class when we would submit our papers online and the whole class would read them; that's the kind of connection I mean. Maybe it's getting feedback on things. Maybe it's sharing things with those I trust. I don't know, but I'll miss it.
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