Ranting

Fine. I’ll be honest. I don’t get it. I really don’t. There. I said it. Not something I’ll usually admit to. It’s frustrating. I thought I had it figured out. Or at least started to understand it. But then something little, something insignificant that others would overlook, comes along and ruins it all for me. Don’t know why I’m surprised, though. Seems to happen to me all the time. That sounds very pessimistic, I know. But I don’t really care since I’m in a sort of pessimistic mood right now. I’ll probably look back at what I’m writing in a few days and laugh at how idiotic it sounds. But not today. Probably not tomorrow either. So why even bother? I don’t have to be writing this. I could be, should be doing something else. Is it because I like to wallow in misery and self-pity? Ugh. That sounds bad. Is it because I’m depressed and want the whole world to know that it’s not worth it? Huh. That’s not much better. And they’re both wrong anyway. So why, then? Why go on about how I feel? I mean it’s not like anyone out there really cares. Sure, they may feel sorry for me, but they don’t care. And I don’t like it when people feel sorry for me. A fake show of concern. I can do without that. I’m fine alone. No big deal. And if you’re wondering, yes, I like to write in fragments. If that bothers you…tough. Read something else. You probably want me to answer all these questions, don’t you? To tell you what the heck I’m talking about and what I’m thinking about it. Yeah, you’d like that. But I’m kind of a mean person sometimes, so I don’t know if I’ll do that. And I lost about half my readers right there. Sweet. Only at half a page and already they’re getting sick of me. Sigh. In truth, you don’t get to know what I’m talking about. I have to leave you in the dark on that one. But I will tell you why I’m writing this since you seem persistent enough to keep reading. I’m writing it because writing based purely on emotions is one of the easiest and most… for lack of a better word, entertaining things to do. You don’t have to think about it. You don’t have to try and picture things to write. You just tell how you feel, or what thoughts are going through you’re head (I’m editing my thoughts for your sake). Writing about happy things, or happy moments, is great, too. I do that a lot as well. But it just so happens that at the moment I am not in a particularly happy mood. But neither am I angry or really sad. I just sort of am, really. I feel kind of stressed. And I haven’t gotten a decent night sleep in over a week. It’s great that I’m just sleeping for a few hours a night at this point. I think that I’m just mostly just worn out. And since I’m in such a way, I don’t bother trying to keep my emotions in check. Too much work. Which isn’t really a good thing either because so many things have happened to me that I’m just flooded with emotions. Happy, sad, upset, you name it. Every once in a while one emotion will become more dominant and make me either cry or get onto some crazy high of happiness. But for the most part they just balance each other out, making me… I don’t know. How would you explain something like that? I guess it’s like blending colors. You’ve got bright colors and dark colors. Sometimes you can see more of one color, but for the most part they’re pretty evenly blended, making the color not bright and not dark, just there. Well, it made sense to me so we’ll go with that.
Going back to my comment on sleep. I usually don’t go to bed, or fall asleep until around midnight or later. And then I have to wake up at five in the morning. What little sleep I do get is not very restful. I wake up a lot in the night. You’d think I would take a nap during the day since sometimes I have enough time to do that. Here’s the thing: I hate naps. Ok, so that’s not entirely true. I started to like them, a lot actually, but not so much anymore. It just doesn’t work for me. I don’t like wasting time sleeping when I could be doing something else, especially during the day. And they just make me more tired. When I lay down to take a nap my body realizes just how much sleep it’s been deprived of and so it wants more to make up for it. When I wake up, all I want to do is go back to sleep and my mind stays foggy for a couple hours afterward. Whereas if I just don’t take a nap, I’m good to go for the entire day… unless I fall asleep during class. But that hasn’t happened yet so I won’t worry about it. It used to be that when I would wake up from naps, I would be happy. I’d had a good rest and my mind would clear more quickly. Now… now it’s not like that… at all. That’s ok, though. No more naps. Problem solved.
And now I must express my surprise that you have actually read this far. Wow. There. It’s been expressed. Really though. You must be very bored, very interested, or just don’t care if you’ve made it this far. Heck, I’m surprised I made it this far and I’m the one writing this thing. That’s probably not the best thing in the world when the author gets sick of what they’re writing before their audience does. Huh. Maybe I’ll write an entire book on mindless rantings. I would say that it would be too cruel to give such a thing to the world, but after seeing what the world has already, I’m not so sure… Well, at least the pictures in a book like that would be entertaining.
And now I’ve reached another problem. Ending. I never quite know how to wind things down to a close without just leaving it hanging. I mean you don’t really have a conclusion for this sort of thing. Maybe just saying that it’s the end is the best way to go. I guess I could give it a try. So here we go. This is the end. There’s no more. You can leave now… Dang. It didn’t work. Ok, really. That’s it. I’m done ranting for now.