...and it doesn't feel quite right. Usually by this time I'm all giddy and happy, love going shopping and getting presents for my friends, and can't wait until Christmas Eve. This year I'm merely content... that's not the right word... restless... that's better. I'm not excited, not giddy, and with all the snow we've had, I haven't even had the urge to attempt a snowman. Shopping for gifts was more out of habit than anything. And Christmas Eve... it's just another day. Sad, isn't it?
It seems as though all the Christmas Traditions are gone as well. I wanted to go get a real tree this year like we use to. We didn't. The Nativity Count Down didn't even get mentioned. The chocolate Christmas count down was forgotten. Decorating the tree was... bad. Christmas lights are dwindling; no giant candy cane sticks making a lighted walkway, no light arch hanging off the quakie. I think... well... I hope that there is one tradition that will carry through: opening an ornament on Christmas Eve. But there will only be four of us instead of twelve. And I'm wondering if we're going to go to the Christmas Breakfast... we didn't go last year.
I haven't gone sledding or anything in the snow with my friends. Come to think of it, I haven't really done anything with my friends, period. My social life consists of talking to a few people in the morning at drill (Jeans is always one of them); David, Jo, Ryan, and Mr. Bake during band; and Loni in seminary. Then the occasional people that I just say hi to in the halls: Wheeler, Austin, Michael, Elijah. And that's about it for my social life. I guess if you wanted to you could count the all the unanswered texts I send, but I don't. It's like talking to a brick wall.
Jeans and I decided to take a last minute Christmas shopping run to Cortez on Tuesday, right after school gets out... well, before school gets out, right after the assembly. But shopping is just an excuse. We both want to get out of Blanding. We wanted to do a weekend road trip, but we're both almost completely broke, so we're just going to go one day. We'll also get to see Mark while we're there. That will be somewhat of a relief: hanging out with a friend outside of Blanding. Originally Jeans and I were going to runaway to Maui or Hawaii. But we figured we better graduate first in case we don't make it back. Not that either of us would really mind being stuck in Maui or Hawaii, but you know how it goes.
Now don't get me wrong. I love Blanding. I love Christmas. I love all my friends in Blanding, especially at Christmas. But it's just not right this year. I guess you could call me a Scrooge or a Grinch, or even a Scrinchy Grooge, but I just can't get into Christmas. I know, I know. "Christmas isn't about receiving; it's about giving" and "It's not the price of the gift that matters." But that's not really what I'm talking about. I guess I just miss not having my family at Christmas; I miss all the fun, silly traditions we had; I miss being little and not being able to control my excitement for Christmas because it had the greatest feeling in the world for me; I miss feeling that everything seemed right around Christmas time; but most of all, I miss my friends. And Christmas time hurts the most when you've lost a friend...
2 comments:
Oats! ...I hear ya!! Diddo to all that you said...Though, I must say that I am sorta jealous that you're in B'town with all the snow, family and friends around!!...I absolutely LOVE it here in VA, being with Daniel and the friends that I've made, but like you said, it doesn't feel like Christmas...I'd say I feel like a "Scrinchy Grooge," but it's more of a feeling like something (more than just a little something) is missing...It's odd isn't it...Lol, I don't miss the cold, but not having snow-at all-really makes it seem more like Aug or Sept. ...I could go on for awhile, but for the sake of not borin' ya, I'll just letcha know that I'm always "here" for ya!...I have unlimited texting and would enjoy textin' with ya...Hope your Christmas turns out Happy-full of love and laughter!!;-)
Keep Smilin'! Life's Gr8!!
or have lost anyone at all...
Post a Comment