"Sorry, I'm just so tired."
"Sorry, I'm really stressed out right now."
"Sorry, it's been a rough week."
"Sorry, I'm just irritated with my roommates."
"Sorry, I have a short temper."
"Sorry, you were just in the way of my bad mood."
"Sorry, there was no reason for me to act that way towards you, but I'll come up with an excuse anyway to make it alright."
"I'm sorry." I have control of my emotions, my thoughts, and my temper. I will not lash out at someone when they did not do me any wrong. I will not make excuses for my actions in an effort to try and make it right. "Sorry, but I am in control and I will take responsibility, not place the blame on an outside force."
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Tired = Frustration
I've come to discover that I have different levels of tired, most of which I can deal with just fine. The first stage is just being a little tired. I yawn, wish I could take a nap, but don't. This really isn't that big of a deal and it has very little to no effect on my everyday routines.
The second stage is where my mind gets a little foggy and I start making mistakes (such as in grammar and some logic). It often results from staying up later than I ought to working on homework or writing. This is where I'll actually try to take a nap sometime during the day. This stage makes my mind work a little slower and it takes longer for me to process things, but overall, I can still function.
The third stage is an interesting one. This is the stage where it goes beyond being tired. It results from not getting enough sleep for a consecutive number of days. This is the hyper stage. I don't feel the need to take a nap and everything just seems funny to me. I do over-the-top things that I wouldn't normally do. This makes it hard to sit still and focus on anything.
The last stage is tricky. I can jump to this stage without even going through any of the others. I don't often hit this stage, but when I do, it's a hard hit. This can be caused by a number of things. Generally it's when I've been doing active things all day that usually take place in the sun and then I have trouble sleeping that night, plus a few other factors. My body and mind don't have time to recover, and it results in this final stage. Like I said, it doesn't happen very often. But I hate it. My mind starts harboring illogical thoughts and tries to do more thinking than it can handle. Instead of becoming cranky or grumpy, I get quiet. I analyze everything and come up with ridiculous logic that if I were thinking straight would be able to see the faults in it.
This is what creates the frustration. I know that what I am thinking is unreasonable and I know that if I weren't so tired I wouldn't be thinking this way. But for some reason, I keep thinking that way. By the time I'm thinking clearly again, which takes some doing, I look back on it and think, "Smart one, you know that what you were thinking wasn't right." Then I kick myself and move on.
I hit that last stage today. And I can tell you, I had, or rather am having some pretty absurd thoughts. I decided to try writing about it to see if that would help. So far, so good. My mind is becoming more clear and even though I'm still tired, I'm starting to think a little more straight. Next time I'll write about something worth reading. This was more for me that for any of you. But hey, that's how you gain insights, right?
The second stage is where my mind gets a little foggy and I start making mistakes (such as in grammar and some logic). It often results from staying up later than I ought to working on homework or writing. This is where I'll actually try to take a nap sometime during the day. This stage makes my mind work a little slower and it takes longer for me to process things, but overall, I can still function.
The third stage is an interesting one. This is the stage where it goes beyond being tired. It results from not getting enough sleep for a consecutive number of days. This is the hyper stage. I don't feel the need to take a nap and everything just seems funny to me. I do over-the-top things that I wouldn't normally do. This makes it hard to sit still and focus on anything.
The last stage is tricky. I can jump to this stage without even going through any of the others. I don't often hit this stage, but when I do, it's a hard hit. This can be caused by a number of things. Generally it's when I've been doing active things all day that usually take place in the sun and then I have trouble sleeping that night, plus a few other factors. My body and mind don't have time to recover, and it results in this final stage. Like I said, it doesn't happen very often. But I hate it. My mind starts harboring illogical thoughts and tries to do more thinking than it can handle. Instead of becoming cranky or grumpy, I get quiet. I analyze everything and come up with ridiculous logic that if I were thinking straight would be able to see the faults in it.
This is what creates the frustration. I know that what I am thinking is unreasonable and I know that if I weren't so tired I wouldn't be thinking this way. But for some reason, I keep thinking that way. By the time I'm thinking clearly again, which takes some doing, I look back on it and think, "Smart one, you know that what you were thinking wasn't right." Then I kick myself and move on.
I hit that last stage today. And I can tell you, I had, or rather am having some pretty absurd thoughts. I decided to try writing about it to see if that would help. So far, so good. My mind is becoming more clear and even though I'm still tired, I'm starting to think a little more straight. Next time I'll write about something worth reading. This was more for me that for any of you. But hey, that's how you gain insights, right?
Monday, October 5, 2009
A Thought on Nothing
Do you ever get in one of those moods when you, want to write, but your mind is absolutely blank and you don't know what to write about? Or even if you did have something to write about, who would read it? Who would pause, take a moment out of their to read the simple words you have written? Really, at times like these, you could write anything and everything you wanted, and send it out into a large void, not fearing whether anyone will read it or not. Or if it even makes sense. Just get comfortable with a jar of peanut butter and some music and start writing.
Whether you say something comical or profound, it doesn't really matter. It's when you're in these moods that you write more for yourself than your audience. This is when the rough, unpolished you shines through. And it's fun. No editing. No revising. Just attitude. And things are a lot more fun to read when they a bit attitude. Unlike those monotone professors that make you fall asleep in class. "Bueller. Bueller."
It's in these writings that some people might start to question your sanity. They might start to think that you aren't normal. To that I have to say... "So what?" How boring would life if you were normal? Seriously. Think about what your life would be like if all the little quirks you and your family had were taken away. Pretty dull, huh? John Russell stated, "Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting."
So why not be a little abnormal? Why not paint the roses red? Why not celebrate your unbirthdays? And why not just be yourself? "Be yourself; everyone else is taken." (Oscar Wilde). It makes life a bit more interesting.
See what happens when you have nothing to write, but want to write anyway? You end up with paragraphs of "nothing." But sometimes the "nothings" are the best things to write.
Whether you say something comical or profound, it doesn't really matter. It's when you're in these moods that you write more for yourself than your audience. This is when the rough, unpolished you shines through. And it's fun. No editing. No revising. Just attitude. And things are a lot more fun to read when they a bit attitude. Unlike those monotone professors that make you fall asleep in class. "Bueller. Bueller."
It's in these writings that some people might start to question your sanity. They might start to think that you aren't normal. To that I have to say... "So what?" How boring would life if you were normal? Seriously. Think about what your life would be like if all the little quirks you and your family had were taken away. Pretty dull, huh? John Russell stated, "Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting."
So why not be a little abnormal? Why not paint the roses red? Why not celebrate your unbirthdays? And why not just be yourself? "Be yourself; everyone else is taken." (Oscar Wilde). It makes life a bit more interesting.
See what happens when you have nothing to write, but want to write anyway? You end up with paragraphs of "nothing." But sometimes the "nothings" are the best things to write.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Whip Cream Gig
This is what Morgan and I were up to during the summer. Then we were joined by Jesse, Austin, Kyle, Catherine, Bert and Matt for a performance (though we didn't get that recorded).
This was the result of the whip cream gig.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Longing
Sunday. Cooking dinner. I miss Morgan. I miss Bryce. I miss Camon and Matt. I miss Megan and Catherine and Bert. I miss them all more than I thought I would. Especially today. I'm homesick for them I guess you could say. I walked up to campus and visited Jeans today. That made me feel a bit better. I'm so glad she's here. I know I'm going to make so many new friends; my new roommates and I get along really well. But those first friends, I will never forget and, for a time, I'll not stop longing for them.
Classes start tomorrow. I'm taking sociology, BoM, moral leadership, and two English classes. I only have classes on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and my classes get over with by 1:00 in the afternoon. I hoping to get a life guarding position on campus and work Tuesdays, Thursdays, and some Saturdays.
Things seem to be working out really well. As much as I miss my family, I love it here. I love that I feel so happy. I love that I'm longing for my friends because it means I have friends to long for. Alright.... so I don't love that part, but I do love my friends. Miss you guys!!!
Classes start tomorrow. I'm taking sociology, BoM, moral leadership, and two English classes. I only have classes on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and my classes get over with by 1:00 in the afternoon. I hoping to get a life guarding position on campus and work Tuesdays, Thursdays, and some Saturdays.
Things seem to be working out really well. As much as I miss my family, I love it here. I love that I feel so happy. I love that I'm longing for my friends because it means I have friends to long for. Alright.... so I don't love that part, but I do love my friends. Miss you guys!!!
Monday, July 27, 2009
Change of Heart
Before I moved up here, I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I was going into a place where the campus alone was bigger than my hometown. I didn't know anyone there except for my brother, and he would leave only a few weeks after I got there. My general thoughts were, "If I can just endure summer, I'll be alright. Some of my friends will be coming in fall. I just need to hang on until then."
That was two months ago. In an earlier post I alluded to the fact that so much can change in two months. It seems that this is something that I just keep learning. As much as I say it, it still amazes me when it actually happens. In the past while that I've lived here, I have experienced so much. I have made so many friends. Good friends too. I have so much fun here; more than I thought I would have. I am on the Enrichment committee for our ward. I am the Family History representative for my FHE group. I have the coolest roommates. I love it here. I love my friends.
Come fall, most of my friends will be moving out to different places. Some will just move to different apartments. Others will move to different towns. As much as I want my old friends to join me in the fall, I hate to see my new friends leave. I wish there was some way I could keep living in summer while letting the fall come anyway. Living in the best of both worlds. But of course, that can't happen. Change will come whether you want it to or not. And even if you want both, you can't always have your way.
Again I'll say: So much can change in two months. Two months ago I couldn't wait for fall: "If I can just endure summer, I'll be alright. Some of my friends will be coming in fall. I just need to hang on until then." But things change: "If I can just postpone fall, I'll be alright. I've got so many friends here. I just need to hang on as long as I can." Now, I don't want summer to end. Just another change of heart.
That was two months ago. In an earlier post I alluded to the fact that so much can change in two months. It seems that this is something that I just keep learning. As much as I say it, it still amazes me when it actually happens. In the past while that I've lived here, I have experienced so much. I have made so many friends. Good friends too. I have so much fun here; more than I thought I would have. I am on the Enrichment committee for our ward. I am the Family History representative for my FHE group. I have the coolest roommates. I love it here. I love my friends.
Come fall, most of my friends will be moving out to different places. Some will just move to different apartments. Others will move to different towns. As much as I want my old friends to join me in the fall, I hate to see my new friends leave. I wish there was some way I could keep living in summer while letting the fall come anyway. Living in the best of both worlds. But of course, that can't happen. Change will come whether you want it to or not. And even if you want both, you can't always have your way.
Again I'll say: So much can change in two months. Two months ago I couldn't wait for fall: "If I can just endure summer, I'll be alright. Some of my friends will be coming in fall. I just need to hang on until then." But things change: "If I can just postpone fall, I'll be alright. I've got so many friends here. I just need to hang on as long as I can." Now, I don't want summer to end. Just another change of heart.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
After-Game Ride
A few weeks ago Matt asked me to be on their intramural softball team. I just looked at him like he was crazy and told him I hadn't played softball in three years. This didn't daunt him. He told me all the girls on the team weren't very good (sarcastically, of course, because Morgan was standing right next to him).
The next day Camon put me on the team and drug me to the games; I was officially part of Bacca. Quite honestly, it was a blast! And I could actually hit the ball pretty good. Anyway, last Saturday was the last game before the tournament started (It started last night). At that game, I slid into home and barely got out. The thing is, I took a direct hit to my knee cap. Now I have fluid in my knee, I can't bend it, and I'm getting hyped up on 2400 mg of Ibuprofen a day.
But it's getting a lot better. The swelling has gone down and I can bend it, but still not enough to go down stairs. I went to the game and, since I couldn't play, when picture crazy with Matt's camera. After we got home from the game, we were all just chillin' outside, Camon and Bryce still on their motorcycles. I asked Camon when he was going to take me for a ride and he said right now (or then), if my knee would allow it. I got on and was barely able to bend my knee enough to stay on. So, I went for a motorcycle ride last night.
That was the best motorcycle ride I've ever been on!!! When we would pass places like the mouth of the canyon, we would go through cold pockets of air. It was so cool. And I got complimented. :) Camon told me I was a really good passenger. I held still as we would go, and when we would take a turn, instead of leaning away from it trying to stay on, I just followed him and leaned into it. It was great. We had to cut it short though because my knee was getting a little uncomfortable. Camon said we would go on a longer one once my knee heals.
He asked me if I had ever been on a motorcylce before and I told him that Dad has a Honda Shadow. He got excited about that. He told me that he actually wants to trade his bike in for a Shadow.
I'll admit it, I've got a weak spot for motorcycles.
The next day Camon put me on the team and drug me to the games; I was officially part of Bacca. Quite honestly, it was a blast! And I could actually hit the ball pretty good. Anyway, last Saturday was the last game before the tournament started (It started last night). At that game, I slid into home and barely got out. The thing is, I took a direct hit to my knee cap. Now I have fluid in my knee, I can't bend it, and I'm getting hyped up on 2400 mg of Ibuprofen a day.
But it's getting a lot better. The swelling has gone down and I can bend it, but still not enough to go down stairs. I went to the game and, since I couldn't play, when picture crazy with Matt's camera. After we got home from the game, we were all just chillin' outside, Camon and Bryce still on their motorcycles. I asked Camon when he was going to take me for a ride and he said right now (or then), if my knee would allow it. I got on and was barely able to bend my knee enough to stay on. So, I went for a motorcycle ride last night.
That was the best motorcycle ride I've ever been on!!! When we would pass places like the mouth of the canyon, we would go through cold pockets of air. It was so cool. And I got complimented. :) Camon told me I was a really good passenger. I held still as we would go, and when we would take a turn, instead of leaning away from it trying to stay on, I just followed him and leaned into it. It was great. We had to cut it short though because my knee was getting a little uncomfortable. Camon said we would go on a longer one once my knee heals.
He asked me if I had ever been on a motorcylce before and I told him that Dad has a Honda Shadow. He got excited about that. He told me that he actually wants to trade his bike in for a Shadow.
I'll admit it, I've got a weak spot for motorcycles.
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